I begin with a few phrases I think doctors and nurses should be trained not to say:
1. "Hmmm... I've never seen anything like this before."
2. "Whoops."
3. "Wow, that's bad."
Monday was a big day for me. I had a triple header scheduled: a lumbar puncture (also known as a spinal tap), followed by some intravenous chemo treatment, and then a bone marrow biopsy to top things off. I did my best to eat a big breakfast before they whisked me off to "Angio".
Angio is short for Angiography - a medical imaging technology in which they use an x-ray type machine to get an better view of my central nervous system during the spinal tap procedure. The first thing that I noticed about the room (other than they keep it as cold as a refrigerator) was that they had some great music playing. I inquired as to the source of the tasteful playlist and was surprised to find that they rock Pandora in Angio :)
As things turned out they hadn't prepared my chemo drugs in the lab yet so I had about 20 minutes to "chill" (don't worry they brought me a warm blanket). Rather than sit and think about the giant needle that they were about to stick in my back, I decided to pretend that I was getting a spa treatment (like acupuncture or something). I put my head back and relaxed to the smooth sounds of James Taylor and Eric Clapton (the unplugged album) and really began to enjoy myself.
During the procedure (and others) I don't really like to think about what's actually going on so I try to make small talk with the doctors and nurses. As Trent (that's the name of the Physician Assistant) is poking and injecting, a song from Norah Jones comes on. I start chattering, "You know the thing about Norah Jones; she is an amazing musician and song writer - love her voice - but she is plain boring to watch..." yada yada yada and before you know it we're on the last injection (I got 3) and what song comes on: Loggins and Messina, "Danny's Song". If you don't remember this one let me help you out...
After my mandatory hour of staring at the ceiling they agreed to let me go back to my room. The PA said he would check on me in an hour or two to see if the spasms persisted. He said his best guess was that the needle hit a nerve and that was causing the discomfort. Funny thing is that when I got back to my room and stood up the spasms (and the giggling) stopped.
I thought about it later and I have to consider myself lucky. If the doctors are worried about numbness, and pain, and all I have to do is endure some tickle torture - I figure I got it pretty good :)
1. "Hmmm... I've never seen anything like this before."
2. "Whoops."
3. "Wow, that's bad."
Monday was a big day for me. I had a triple header scheduled: a lumbar puncture (also known as a spinal tap), followed by some intravenous chemo treatment, and then a bone marrow biopsy to top things off. I did my best to eat a big breakfast before they whisked me off to "Angio".
Angio is short for Angiography - a medical imaging technology in which they use an x-ray type machine to get an better view of my central nervous system during the spinal tap procedure. The first thing that I noticed about the room (other than they keep it as cold as a refrigerator) was that they had some great music playing. I inquired as to the source of the tasteful playlist and was surprised to find that they rock Pandora in Angio :)As things turned out they hadn't prepared my chemo drugs in the lab yet so I had about 20 minutes to "chill" (don't worry they brought me a warm blanket). Rather than sit and think about the giant needle that they were about to stick in my back, I decided to pretend that I was getting a spa treatment (like acupuncture or something). I put my head back and relaxed to the smooth sounds of James Taylor and Eric Clapton (the unplugged album) and really began to enjoy myself.
During the procedure (and others) I don't really like to think about what's actually going on so I try to make small talk with the doctors and nurses. As Trent (that's the name of the Physician Assistant) is poking and injecting, a song from Norah Jones comes on. I start chattering, "You know the thing about Norah Jones; she is an amazing musician and song writer - love her voice - but she is plain boring to watch..." yada yada yada and before you know it we're on the last injection (I got 3) and what song comes on: Loggins and Messina, "Danny's Song". If you don't remember this one let me help you out...
 |
| Nice Hair Kenny! |
And even though we ain't got money,
I'm so in love with you, honey,
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
And everything will bring a chain of love.
And in the morning, when I rise,
You bring a tear of joy to my eyes
And tell me everything is gonna be alright.
My wife's father and uncles sang this song at our wedding and it always brings back good memories (she has been here at the hospital with me nearly every night and truly does bring a tear of joy to my eyes each morning).
After a lumbar puncture - spinal tap, LP, whatever you want to call it - they require that you lay flat on your back for at least one hour (apparently if you don't you're prone to get a really nasty headache). So they move me to "recovery" - a nifty curtained room - and I'm staring up counting ceiling tiles when all the sudden my tail bone starts spazzing out. Not sharp pains though - electric tickling spasms! So the nurse comes in to examine my back and I am just giggling like a school-girl. She asks the standard questions:
No, no, no, no I reply - just tickling spasms at the base of my spine! So she starts poking around and checking for swelling. As soon as she hits the spot I'm hooting and hollering and giggling unbearably. My wife is watching in complete surprise and the nurse says the magic words,
So what's the game plan? The nurse looks into it, and Trent (the PA that did my LP) is doing another procedure. She says that she'll have him come check on me when he's finished. I go back to counting ceiling tiles and I figure out that if I hold completely still that the spasms subside. Problem is (and those who know me know this) I can't hold still! Even when I try the moment my foot twiches, or I get an itch and move my leg - zzzzzzzzztt! Spazm, laugh, spazm, moan, spazm, ahhhhh, okay, okay, just hold still...
Well this goes on for about 20 minutes before, all the lower abdominal constricting leads to another problem... I gotta pee! It's not just a casual, "oh I think I have to tinkle" either, we're talking serious pain and discomfort. You should know that I received two units of platelets that morning which is basically like drinking a 2 liter.
This is where it gets really interesting - I can't sit up right, so I the nurse tells me I have two options: try to use a hand held urinal while laying on my back, or have her insert a catheter. I wasn't about to let her insert anything so...
It took some serious and intense concentration but I finally succeeded. After this accomplishment you might be tempted to think that my awkward back spasms stopped - they didn't. I kept whooping and giggling and even AJ had to laugh because I am not a ticklish person.
The whole situation was pretty silly, albeit uncomfortable, and to make matters worse it only takes about twenty minutes and my bladder is complaining again! After another gravity defying urination the PA finally shows up. He goes down the list of questions: numbness, tingling, sharp pains, yada yada yada... No, no, no, - just laughing till I'm about to pee my pants. To which he replies,
After a lumbar puncture - spinal tap, LP, whatever you want to call it - they require that you lay flat on your back for at least one hour (apparently if you don't you're prone to get a really nasty headache). So they move me to "recovery" - a nifty curtained room - and I'm staring up counting ceiling tiles when all the sudden my tail bone starts spazzing out. Not sharp pains though - electric tickling spasms! So the nurse comes in to examine my back and I am just giggling like a school-girl. She asks the standard questions:
"Any numbness or tingling?"
"Shortness of breath?"
"Pain in your chest?"
"Sharp shooting pain down either of your legs?"
No, no, no, no I reply - just tickling spasms at the base of my spine! So she starts poking around and checking for swelling. As soon as she hits the spot I'm hooting and hollering and giggling unbearably. My wife is watching in complete surprise and the nurse says the magic words,
"Hmmm... I've never seen anything like this before."
So what's the game plan? The nurse looks into it, and Trent (the PA that did my LP) is doing another procedure. She says that she'll have him come check on me when he's finished. I go back to counting ceiling tiles and I figure out that if I hold completely still that the spasms subside. Problem is (and those who know me know this) I can't hold still! Even when I try the moment my foot twiches, or I get an itch and move my leg - zzzzzzzzztt! Spazm, laugh, spazm, moan, spazm, ahhhhh, okay, okay, just hold still...
Well this goes on for about 20 minutes before, all the lower abdominal constricting leads to another problem... I gotta pee! It's not just a casual, "oh I think I have to tinkle" either, we're talking serious pain and discomfort. You should know that I received two units of platelets that morning which is basically like drinking a 2 liter.
This is where it gets really interesting - I can't sit up right, so I the nurse tells me I have two options: try to use a hand held urinal while laying on my back, or have her insert a catheter. I wasn't about to let her insert anything so...
It took some serious and intense concentration but I finally succeeded. After this accomplishment you might be tempted to think that my awkward back spasms stopped - they didn't. I kept whooping and giggling and even AJ had to laugh because I am not a ticklish person.
The whole situation was pretty silly, albeit uncomfortable, and to make matters worse it only takes about twenty minutes and my bladder is complaining again! After another gravity defying urination the PA finally shows up. He goes down the list of questions: numbness, tingling, sharp pains, yada yada yada... No, no, no, - just laughing till I'm about to pee my pants. To which he replies,
"Hmmm... I've never seen anything like this before."
After my mandatory hour of staring at the ceiling they agreed to let me go back to my room. The PA said he would check on me in an hour or two to see if the spasms persisted. He said his best guess was that the needle hit a nerve and that was causing the discomfort. Funny thing is that when I got back to my room and stood up the spasms (and the giggling) stopped.
I thought about it later and I have to consider myself lucky. If the doctors are worried about numbness, and pain, and all I have to do is endure some tickle torture - I figure I got it pretty good :)
Ha, ha, ha, giggle,giggle giggle! (no pee!)
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