Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Fight on! Round Four

We have been putting off and dreading this, but Marshall's leukemia is back for a fourth fight. This relapse hit us hard. Even doctors and nurses thought Marshall was cured and weren't running blood tests on him. Similarly to his other relapses, we knew before checking in due to pain and night sweats.

The remission only lasted five months this time so being back in the saddle so quickly has put a lot of stress, financial burden and physical burden on Marshall. We are fighting every day for a plan! For a crack at this t-cell thing again. Usually, the Philly doctors would not try again, but Marshall's case is unusual in that he was accidentally in complete remission before they gave him his t-cells and he had no cytokine storm. We flew to Philly and yes! His doctor thinks it's worth another shot! It's a lot more complicated than that though. The FDA is regulating this trial and in order for us to try the t-cells again when Marshall is not in remission, the FDA has to be petitioned and a whole new protocol for Marshall has to be written. So as of now we are trying to buy him some time for all that to happen if possible. It's a little tricky with an aggressive, chemotherapy-resistant leukemia.

The plan is now high dose chemo and blinatumomab to try to keep the disease at bay. The blinatumomab and chemo have been really hard on his liver and we had to stop treatment to give his organs a break.

We are very happy that he can try the t-cell therapy again, but getting there is proving to be difficult. Marshall's body is soooo tired from his long fight and is definitely more beat up and not as
up-beat this round. We are trying to distract ourselves with other happy things and not let cancer take over every moment. It's a bit hard when you are in a hospital for weeks, but we have faith this blinatumomab can work again and that Marshall can get through albeit with some bumps and bruises.

Philadelphia collected his t-cells for a second time because the way they administer them is being done differently: in 3 different doses, starting with a smaller dose and ending with a larger. Marshall had one small dose- 1/10th of the units they initially planned to give him. We also have faith that this immunology could still work! If it does not, our back up plans could be stay on blinatumomab until it stops working or even try a haploid transplant. Marshall doesn't know how to give up! He is fighting on and has all my love and support.

Our wonderful friend Matt is helping us start a fundraiser: "Give 'till you FEEL it". He's amazing and we are amazed by our family and friends that have stuck by our sides through the years of difficulty and burden. They have helped us lift this heavy load and are truly workers of Christ on the earth as they have helped make our heavy burden light. I loved during general conference when a speaker said people are sent from God and ordinary people are working as God's hands when they make ordinary gestures.  We are so grateful for the people who have truly born the burden with us. It's hard for me to see some friends disappear with time. The road seems to get a little more lonely for me each relapse. It may be because our story is getting harder to tell and live. I'm reading a care giving book right now that suggests that people just don't know what to say or do. It's hard to relate to a difficult journey sometimes when you're trying so hard to keep yours happy and full of life and light. I understand that some people simply process it differently or just can't process it. Most days I wish I could ignore it all and not have to deal with it too.

We did have one marvelous day on Friday, March 13th. Marshall received the honorable Nicholas E. Calleluori award for being relentless. You can read about it and watch his speech here:
also the video that was made while we stayed at Nick's house: His facial paralysis has gotten much better and is mostly just on the left side now. We LOVE our HEADstrong family! Check them out by clicking here: HEADstrong. That night gave us the determination to battle on for the fourth time.

Marshall was able to fly to Texas and re-baptize his brother Jordan which also put us on cloud 9 that weekend! What a miracle! I love the hope that comes from the atonement. Marshall is going through so much physically now and has been for years. Literally, he has been battling death from the front lines. Through the atonement, there will be no scars. Sometimes my cares for this world and battle have choked out God's words and promises and I really need to remember to focus on those at times. Marshall and I (especially Marshall) are very tired this round. We are reaching for and trying to grasp any light we can find no matter how dark or seemingly hopeless this cancer can be. We are trying to find our strength again in that light. It was so wonderful to see friends and family come out to support us at Chili's a couple nights ago! You help us dispel our fears and have some peace. I loved Bednar's talk about being empowered to hush our fears! Some of that peace can only come through Christ and the hope for a resurrection and eternal life. Many people have asked me how I have not gone crazy yet. I find that strength and stability when I believe in Jesus and trust in Him. Even when our lives are not ideal, we have promises in the life to come.

I still trust that God is the architect of our story and hope to help future cancer patients by going through this trial.

Sunday, January 4, 2015

Three years!

"When we doubt your miracle-making power, Lord, show us the ordinary miracles of seasons, of hope regained, of love from family and friends, and of surprises that turn out to be miraculous simply by remaking our lives"

On this very day 3 years ago Marshall was diagnosed with ALL and this cancer crusade began. He's now fought leukemia 3 times in those 3 years and I still find myself staring at him wondering how he is alive after all he has been through. I have learned so much from him and all his supporters. More than I could ever write on a paper, but in honor of those three years, I will write three things I have learned. 

Firstly, to be EVER so grateful for the 'Normal' days. Normal days are actually glorious days in the book of my life now. A day when I can read, clean, do laundry, and actually raise my own child is a glorious day. It's not one spent in a hospital room worrying about numbers, germs, medications, and how many breathes my husband may or may not have left or if my son would know his daddy.

Secondly, God is in charge! I wish I was as powerful as my Eternal Father. I still desire and believe in doing all that I can and learning all that I can and trying to be more like Him and His son. But I am not him. He will direct our paths if we put our trust in Him. He will bless us according to our desires. And He knows what is best for us eternally and not just in our short time on Earth. I have much more faith in Him to take the wheel and steer my life toward the direction it should go and to the people we are supposed to know. He's a way better driver than I am even and especially if we hit some really rocky and dangerous terrain along our way. Sometimes that is when we see the most beauty in the world and in others. Believe in his miracles because they still happen, but mostly he allows them to happen through other people. He allows us to be the actual body of Christ, to be His reaching arms, His healing hands, and His love. Through these means we come to know Him better than we ever would had he reached His physical hand out to heal with one touch in one moment.

Thirdly, our own bodies can be restored. Even from the dust, despair, even death. Restorative powers aren't limited to what has been there before either. Our bodies can be added upon and enhanced in ways never before imagined. Marshall went from having one set of genes to another, and yet another from overseas, to now a completely reengineered (with HIV nonetheless!) cell that lives in his body. Incredible. When the chemo gave Marshall neuropathy in his hands and feet and took away Marshall's ability to play the guitar, I looked to the heavens and thought, "Why would THIS happen!?"  I couldn't fathom how He could take away something that had literally gotten us through some of the toughest days and a most developed talent. Music. Nothing could ever stop Marshall from singing. Until something did. When the cancer made it to Marshall's brain and he was completely paralyzed on both sides of His face. I admit to succumbing to a bit more fear than faith at that point. Probably because the look on most doctors face after seeing his paralyzed one was that of, "this guy is not going to make it". Marshall kept his faith- what a faithful man I married! Sometimes the amount of faith we have does make a difference. I don't believe in can'ts anymore. I'm still baffled that months later, the neuropathy went away in his hands (he still has it in his feet). The right side of his face recovered and slowly every day I am blessed to see tiny improvements in the left side. Restoration! We can all be recovered, renewed, resurrected from the dust. 

In chemistry, there is a law that states for every action there is an opposite and equal reaction. I have sometimes been compelled to move. Actually, a lot in the last few years. First to Houston, then Philadelphia, and finally home. We have met some INCREDIBLE people along the way. You know who you are (Bennett's, Durfees, Edwards, Calleluoris, Fitzgeralds, Gibsons, Goldsteins, Miles2Give peeps, our very own neighborhood and family, Brother Landis, many doctors and nurses, and all the names I didn't add) and I might add have done some INCREDIBLE and incredibly hard things along the way too. Here's to the last three years and to the hope that this t-cell treatment will continue to work without too many side effects for Marshall and that we will get to be able to stay with our son and out of the hospital this year!

Saturday, December 6, 2014

What Happens in Vegas...

It has been said that "what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas" however, I hope that what happened this last week at the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society South-West Regional Conference gets spread around the country!

Amanda and I were privileged to speak to a number of regional representatives that participated in raising money for the research that saved my life in Philadelphia. We hope they were able to see that the work they do does make a difference and in a very personal way.

Relaxing in our hotel room after the speech.

Amanda spoke first and already had the room applauding before I began. We shared how we met, the shock of being diagnosed with cancer, and the revolutionary t-cell treatment I took part in. I even played a couple of songs on my guitar. I was asked to post the lyrics to the song I wrote entitled, Miles 2 Give:

Last night I witnessed love and charity
I wondered how I would return the kindness I’d received
I found it’s not a debt I’m to repay, but rather how I choose to live each coming day

In this life we all have miles to go
Some move fast and some move slow
Be grateful to your maker that you live
And find within your soul that you have miles to give

Give your time, give your love
You’ll find out you’ve got enough
Be a friend, be sincere
Perfect love cast out all fear

No one ever left this world regretting their kind deeds
Or wishing they had spent less time serving those in need

In this life we all have troubling times
Don’t give up be strong and just keep on trying
Give thanks for every breath that lets you live
And find within yourself that you have miles to give

Give your time, give your love
You’ll find out you’ve got enough
Be a friend, be sincere
Perfect love cast out all fear

When dark clouds fill up your sky and rain begins to fall
Remember there’s a glorious light still shining above it all

In this life we all have miles to go
Some move fast and some, they move a little bit more slow
Be grateful to your maker that you live

And find within your soul that you have miles to give

Wednesday, November 26, 2014

Thanks and Obrigada

This post is completely a post of GRATITUDE and THANKS for the amazing blessings we have received and for every person that has helped us get to the point we are today in the last 3 years.

When we arrived home, our neighborhood greeted Marshall like a true warrior! So many welcome home signs, and big, yellow ribbons tied around all the trees and posts! I couldn't have imagined anything like it and it was INCREDIBLE! Thank You!!

It's been a little overwhelming how Marshall's story has gone viral. He has had reporters from all over the world contacting him, but some stories have not been exactly accurate. I think the headlines like to pick up something that will wow people- as it should because this therapy is amazing and has great potential to cure all types of cancers in the future. We hope his story going viral (or retro-viral as Keith punnily said) will help many cancer patients in the future around the world. Here are some international articles about Marshall found by his mom and us saying thanks in each language. Each story is different, not just a translation to another language of the same story.  You can click translate on their respective pages if you'd like to read them in English:

click to read Germany's article about Marshall and the therapy

Click here to read Slovenia's article about Marshall and the therapy


Ellokepa Sawhay (llokepa saawhe):
Rwanda, Kinyarwanda language


Southern China







Su' cam o'n:


And a few of the many English articles:

Medical Daily

Huffington Post

Daily News

Marshall is doing well. He is back at work and he has already flown back to Pennsylvania once. We are speaking at a Leukemia and Lymphoma Society event in Vegas in December.  His next appointment is the third week of December in Philadelphia and he will have another bone marrow biopsy. Praying it will all go well so we can attend my brother's wedding the end of December!

Again if you are reading this we just want to thank you, thank you, and thank the Lord who inspired the men who truly are compassionate and God-fearing men, to pursue this treatment.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

The Calm Before The Storm

It has been a week since T-cell Tuesday. Over the weekend I had some flu-like muscle aches and a mild fever. Other than that and some mild headaches, I don't have much to report. Today is day 9 since I received my re-engineered cells. Truth be told they are not exactly "my" cells, they are the cells that were generated by the stem cells I received during my second transplant. I often feel like a walking medical experiment, but hey - at least I'm still walking!

Air-drumming while I ride my bike.
I now have three different forms of DNA in my body (mine plus two donors), in addition to cells that were re-engineered using the Human Immunodeficiency Virus or HIV. Luckily I am not at risk to contract HIV or AIDS. I may however, test as what they call a "false positive" for the virus. You heard it right folks, we are now using HIV to fight cancer!

T-Cell Tuesday!
Yesterday we were privileged to be visited by Dr. June. He is the doctor primarily responsible for developing the medical technology they used to re-engineer my cells. I found him to be a very humble and genuine human being. You can tell that he is earnest in his efforts to find a cure for cancer. 

The medical staff inform me that I am most likely to reach the cytokine-storm between day 10 and day 14. So here I find myself at the top of the waterfall - day 9. Either in tragic irony the cure will kill me, or by some miracle mix of God and science my raft will survive the plunge and I'll paddle from the mist cancer free.

It's a strange situation to be in. There's no turning back now - the cells are inside me and they are going to do whatever they are going to do. As a side note, if you want to see some really cool pictures search, "kayak over waterfall" on the internet :) To close I decided to share a poem that I wrote.

Dust and Blood

Lab coats and acronyms, making rounds, tapping pens.

Flashing, beeping, lack of sleeping.

Tattooed, tagged, poked, poisoned.

Shaved and radiated, scarred and isolated.

Sustenance suspended, pumps and bags. Germs defended, gloves and masks.

Cellular warfare, remission, relapse. Balding, bleeding, syringes and caps.

Still before storm, rain before flood. Clash before cure, dust and blood.

Saturday, September 27, 2014


I just finished what will hopefully be my last chemotherapy treatment ever. Rather than lay back in bed while it was infusing Amanda encouraged me to walk a mile for the Cure Search Walk back home in Salt Lake City. Special shout out to my fellow cancer fighter Madeleine Martineau who also took part in the walk.

Today is technically day minus 3 for me on the Cart19 study. This means that I finally receive my re engineered t-cells in 3 days! Prior to the treatment I'll have a bone marrow biopsy on Monday. We've been joking that this week will start with Supplication Sunday, and then continue to Marrow Monday, and T-Cell Tuesday :)

After I receive my t-cells it is uncertain when or how I will react. Some patients have had a reaction within 24 hours while others it may take over a week. Symptoms and side effects may include: high or low blood pressure, tumor-lysis (too many dead cells clouding up the blood stream and other parts of the body), high fevers, kidney damage, liver damage, and neurological problems. I am facing a whirlwind of dangerous possibilities. Ironically these potential ailments are my path to being healed from this terrible disease.

Last April conference Elder Neil L. Anderson spoke about whirlwinds, both physical and spiritual. He explained that, 

"Trees that grow up in a windy environment become stronger. As winds whip around a young sapling, forces inside the tree do two things. First, they stimulate the roots to grow faster and spread farther. Second, the forces in the tree start creating cell structures that actually make the trunk and branches thicker and more flexible to the pressure of the wind. These stronger roots and branches protect the tree from winds that are sure to return." 

He completes the analogy, "You are infinitely more precious to God than a tree. You are His son or His daughter. He made your spirit strong and capable of being resilient to the whirlwinds.of life." 

Finally, he quotes the following scripture to remind us of the source of our spiritual strength:

Helaman 5:12

"Remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."

There are days we may all feel like we are being dragged down to the gulf of misery. Whether it be a physical or spiritual challenge that we are faced with, Jesus Christ is the rock of our salvation, He is the Redeemer. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

My battle with cancer has definitely been a whirlwind. Our family has been whipped by the winds of physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges. One personal challenge has been my inability to attend church and worship with my congregation. Notwithstanding, even nearly 2,000 miles away from home we have still been blessed to partake of the Holy Sacrament (also known as Communion) thanks to worthy priesthood holders who are willing to bring the bread and water to our home or hospital room.

I can't express how important this blessing has been in my life. Although, the internet and social media has helped me keep in touch with friends and family, it often paints a picture that is not entirely accurate. I have my sins, struggles, and follies - and I look forward to that weekly reminder to remember my Savior, that his atonement covers my sins, and the covenants I have made with our Heavenly Father.

Sometimes it is difficult to endure the whirlwinds of life. It takes faith in Jesus Christ to realize that it is only through his atonement that this is possible. I am often encouraged by these words shared by Elder Lawrence Corbridge in October Conference 2008.

"Don’t think you can’t. We might think we can’t really follow Him because the standard of His life is so astonishingly high as to seem unreachable. We might think it is too hard, too high, too much, beyond our capacity, at least for now. Don’t ever believe that. While the standard of the Lord is the highest, don’t ever think it is only reachable by a select few who are most able.

In this singular instance life’s experience misleads us. In life we learn that the highest achievements in any human endeavor are always the most difficult and, therefore, achievable only by a select few who are most able. The higher the standard, the fewer can reach it.
But that is not the case here because, unlike every other experience in this life, this is not a human endeavor. It is, rather, the work of God... Therefore, while the Lord’s invitation to follow Him is the highest of all, it is also achievable by everyone, not because we are able, but because He is, and because He can make us able too...
Life is hard, but life is simple. Get on the path and never, ever give up. You never give up. You just keep on going. You don’t quit, and you will make it."
It doesn't matter so much that you fall, in fact you will fall, what matters is that you dust yourself off and keep on going. Life's whirlwinds will come, it may be hard, but if you build upon the rock and endure it well, God will exalt you on high and you will triumph over all your foes.
D&C 122:9
"Therefore, hold on thy way, and the priesthood shall remain with thee...Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever."

Monday, September 22, 2014

Dear Nick,

I've heard it said that "life isn't fair" but I disagree. Life is beautiful, painful, joyful and sorrowful but life is a blessing. Death, it's death that's not fair. It's not fair that cancer took you from us. It's not fair that someone so young and active can be afflicted with this disease. You were at the prime of life, a student planning a future with your sweetheart, a division one college athlete, a teammate, a friend, a brother, a son.

I wish I never knew you because that would mean that you may still be here. I wish that I didn't know your story because maybe that would mean that I wouldn't have mine. I wish that cancer considered the circumstances of those it afflicts before it overtook them.

I don't know if I would have been cool enough to hang with you and Michael but I think we would have got along. Growing up several of my close friends played lacrosse and I always enjoyed going to their games. I played basketball in high school and I was a good defender, a "scrapper" - I had to be at my size. My coach used to put me in the game just to shut some player down on the other team. You might even say I was "relentless".

I want to thank you for letting my family stay at your house. I feel privileged to stay here and get to know your family. As you know they are doing an amazing job with HEADstrong. I don't know if you realized how many lives you would change, but your drive and vision have effected countless individuals and their families. The ripples of your influence continue to extend.

I wouldn't be surprised if you're teaching and inspiring others in the world of spirits. I've had the impression that you are allowed to check in on my family from time to time. It's good to know we have a special guardian angel with a lacrosse stick :)

With love,