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Sunday, July 21, 2013


Trusting in a higher power. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." And for dessert, the cherry on top, the extra wisdom: verse 7: "Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil."

I have been ignoring the blog for a while. If I was completely honest with you I would say that I have been trying to ignore the fact that we are still at the front lines of this leukemia fight for a while. It gets weary. I am worn and down-trodden.

Church was wonderful today! I think I say that every week. I do not know how people go through life without the strength and power the gospel brings every time I learn more and more about it and about Him. My Beloved Eternal Father who forgives me when I try to do all things by myself. When I say by myself I do not mean without help from others (life would be impossible without that right now!), but I mean without Him. When I am too angry watching my husband suffer to humbly retrieve to my knees and talk to Him about why and how I can help my husband and son all over again.

For a long time now there has been this pioneer story that keeps being repeated over and over in our ward. It is about a tiny 5 foot nothin' pioneer woman. When her husband told her to leave him on the side of the trail to die she screamed, "I will not be a widow in Zion!" and threw him in the hand cart which she carried for who knows how long. A cute couple (the Wrights) even reenacted it on a trek.  At first I resented that I kept hearing the same story over and over. Then I realized He was communicating with me. An answer to my prayer.  Some days I feel that I am that woman. Pulling my little family along and praying that my husband will live through another day. Not wanting to be a widow!

Today finally when a High Councilman spoke I realized He was trying to tell me to get in FRONT of this trial. The Lord will allow a way out if it be His Will. If that is not His will, "And should we die before our journey is through, Happy day! All is well. We then are free from toil and sorrow too; With the just we shall dwell!" I don't want you to think Marshall is dying here (although he was 0.16 away from official kidney failure this week), I do hope he lives on, "But if our lives are spared AGAIN" (again is very important in his case- those of you who know him well know he's lived through some crazy stuff and now he is on transplant 2). "Oh how we'll make this chorus swell! All is well!"

I want you all to know that your prayers for him were and are being answered. He is doing well. In the case that things get worse I wanted to write this down in case I am not strong enough to do it later, but I know that no matter the outcome your and my prayers will be answered according to His plan. [Disclaimer: I may have just written this blog post in order to not eat the last 30 minutes of this 3 day juice fast that Melanie and I have been doing, but it worked! And I am going to eat now!] Just like pioneer journals are read and inspire us today for the trials our ancestors went through I hope someday to print this and have Marshall inspire those who come after us through this trial.