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Thursday, March 17, 2016


Today I have been thinking of how very lucky we have been to have Marshall as a part of our lives. He taught us more goodness and heavenly thoughts than I ever would have learned without his influence and without our experience. And for everyone who taught and continues to teach us how much good there still is in the world even when it looks so bleak.

I took a break from blogging for a while to try and process my very heavy grief. I was encouraged to blog or journal some more last month in a grief class I was taking and still haven't touched it until now. One of the thoughts I appreciated most from that class is,

                               "Every one can master grief save those who have it"

I will not be able to master my grief, but people keep telling me it will get better. Four months tomorrow. Today was the day he barely survived those four months ago. His ringtone whenever anyone called was, "This is my fight song". The last lyrics of that song still ring inside my head often, "I've still got a lot of fight left in me" because I do. Now I need to find that cause I am passionate for to fight about. Is it still curing leukemia? Is it something different? These and many, many questions are things I am discovering.

I'm grateful Marshall changed the name of this blog to Life Reinvented. I really have to reinvent my whole life now that he has passed on. My dreams are not the same and my plans are definitely not the same. My life and purpose used to revolve around my husband and the leukemia. Even both of my jobs I am able to work from any internet location so when we traveled for his treatments I could still work from whatever location we were in. Now that all that has changed, I find myself lost. Honestly, I am just trying to find myself and figure out who I am now. I am trying to reinvent my life. It doesn't work to jump to the WHY and get back to the normal. I am told new life will emerge, but I haven't seen it yet.

          "To live is to suffer; to survive is to find meaning in the suffering-
          if there is a purpose in life at all. There must be a purpose in suffering
          and dying- but no one can tell another what that purpose is"
                                             -Victor Frankl