I just finished what will hopefully be my last chemotherapy treatment ever. Rather than lay back in bed while it was infusing Amanda encouraged me to walk a mile for the Cure Search Walk back home in Salt Lake City. Special shout out to my fellow cancer fighter Madeleine Martineau who also took part in the walk.
Today is technically day minus 3 for me on the Cart19 study. This means that I finally receive my re engineered t-cells in 3 days! Prior to the treatment I'll have a bone marrow biopsy on Monday. We've been joking that this week will start with Supplication Sunday, and then continue to Marrow Monday, and T-Cell Tuesday :)
After I receive my t-cells it is uncertain when or how I will react. Some patients have had a reaction within 24 hours while others it may take over a week. Symptoms and side effects may include: high or low blood pressure, tumor-lysis (too many dead cells clouding up the blood stream and other parts of the body), high fevers, kidney damage, liver damage, and neurological problems. I am facing a whirlwind of dangerous possibilities. Ironically these potential ailments are my path to being healed from this terrible disease.
Last April conference Elder Neil L. Anderson spoke about whirlwinds, both physical and spiritual. He explained that,
"Trees that grow up in a windy environment become stronger. As winds whip around a young sapling, forces inside the tree do two things. First, they stimulate the roots to grow faster and spread farther. Second, the forces in the tree start creating cell structures that actually make the trunk and branches thicker and more flexible to the pressure of the wind. These stronger roots and branches protect the tree from winds that are sure to return."
He completes the analogy, "You are infinitely more precious to God than a tree. You are His son or His daughter. He made your spirit strong and capable of being resilient to the whirlwinds.of life."
Finally, he quotes the following scripture to remind us of the source of our spiritual strength:
"Remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall."
There are days we may all feel like we are being dragged down to the gulf of misery. Whether it be a physical or spiritual challenge that we are faced with, Jesus Christ is the rock of our salvation, He is the Redeemer. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
My battle with cancer has definitely been a whirlwind. Our family has been whipped by the winds of physical, emotional, and spiritual challenges. One personal challenge has been my inability to attend church and worship with my congregation. Notwithstanding, even nearly 2,000 miles away from home we have still been blessed to partake of the Holy Sacrament (also known as Communion) thanks to worthy priesthood holders who are willing to bring the bread and water to our home or hospital room.
I can't express how important this blessing has been in my life. Although, the internet and social media has helped me keep in touch with friends and family, it often paints a picture that is not entirely accurate. I have my sins, struggles, and follies - and I look forward to that weekly reminder to remember my Savior, that his atonement covers my sins, and the covenants I have made with our Heavenly Father.
Sometimes it is difficult to endure the whirlwinds of life. It takes faith in Jesus Christ to realize that it is only through his atonement that this is possible. I am often encouraged by these words shared by Elder Lawrence Corbridge in October Conference 2008.
"Don’t think you can’t. We might think we can’t really follow Him because the standard of His life is so astonishingly high as to seem unreachable. We might think it is too hard, too high, too much, beyond our capacity, at least for now. Don’t ever believe that. While the standard of the Lord is the highest, don’t ever think it is only reachable by a select few who are most able.