Dear Caregiver

I just took a second trip to Idaho with my lovely little boy. Idaho is an escape from city and care giving for me, but the last few times it just has not been the same.  I love the laid back atmosphere and talking with friends and family, but too many aspects of the careful country girl's life and the city girl mom have become mixed.  I came home to pamphlets from Be The Match, the national bone marrow registry where we found Marshall's donor. If you would like to sign up to potentially save someone's life go here.  I actually took the time to sit down and read about caregivers for a while.  "Your experience as a caregiver can be just as intense as the person who received the transplant.  Your lifestyle, values, priorities and relationships may change too.  You need your own support and plans for how to cope.  It is natural to sometimes feel overwhelmed by responsibility, caring for your loved one and other family members, the house, finances, etc. It is not unusual for caregivers to ignore their own needs. If you become exhausted and overwhelmed, it can affect your ability to provide good care." (Living Now: Special issue for Caregivers)

Many things this year have worn down on me, mostly related to Marshall's sudden diagnosis, roller coaster of treatments, and chance of survival. After eight months of intensity it is past time to step back, smell some roses, and prioritize. I know it is normal for me to feel sadness, anger, grief, guilt, and loneliness. I know I have to find my own path to recovery as well. After being so focused on Marshall for so long and with him doing so much better for now, I feel like I have to find myself all over again. I know I am a much different person now. Some things I have attained more of include: humility, gratitude, an even bigger perspective on life, cancer biology knowledge, and strength.

I've put a lot of things I was pursuing on hold for the last eight months. I've got to keep progressing too, but looking back I realize if nothing else that my insides have progressed :)