2013 Synopsis

2013 In A Nutshell

Back to Work!

Jan- AJ starts working at the Global Service Center. Whole family contracts rhinovirus and Marshall has to be treated in the hospital and stay away from Kez and AJ for 10 days. Hence, the song Ten Days was born.

Yes we both fit in the hospital bed just fine

 Feb- Marshall starts having terrible back pain and goes into the clinic- his leukemia relapses :(. AJ has surgery to remove a cyst on her forehead. Turns out it's not a cyst, but it was extra brain all along :).

Chemotherapy makes you tired

March- After treating MJ with chemo for a month they tell us there is nothing more they can do, that the cancer is resistant to chemo. Elder Corbridge from the Seventy pays Marshall a special visit in the hospital and blesses him. We decide to go to MD Anderson Texas for a trial bio therapy drug no matter the cost. We leave Kezzy with his aunt and uncle and cousins in Sandy :(.

April- AJ runs first 10 miler down Emigration Canyon with sisters Melanie and Julie- we fly to Texas the next day and she walks around MD Anderson like an old lady. Who's the patient here anyway? Thanks John and Sherilyn for allowing us to stay with you in Pearland! Melanie and Tyrel move in our house while we are in TX. 2 weeks into the trial we find out Marshall is in remission! Miracle!! We watch Music for Marshall at Tucci's, a fundraiser to help with medical expenses, via live video feed. Thanks Cyndi! AJ spends 28th birthday in the hospital with Marshall (much like 27th birthday). Landon Cooper from Miles 2 Give runs for Marshall. You can buy the song Marshall Jensen wrote on I-tunes called Miles 2 Give.

Landon surprises Marshall after we get home from Texas

Selfie

Running!

OUCH! 

May- Lucile brings our Kezzy to us in Texas!! He gets to see Houston aquarium, zoo, and kid's museum. Julie writes an essay and AJ wins a Mother's Day makeover from Lunatic Fringe. We surprise family and fly back for the Miracles for Marshall event in Pocatello. Our house turns beautiful while we are in TX. Thanks Melanie and Matt! AJ worked hard too.

Happy Mother's Day!

June- Kez turns 2!! AJ donates her eggs to a family who have been trying for years to have children. Have to give forward after all we've been given! We fly back to UT the day after donation. Kez is potty-trained.

I'm 2!

Thomas the Train cake made by aunt Brielle

July- 5th is second stem cell transplant day for Marshall. With a slip of the delivery guy we find out his second donor is international!

Aug- Kez and AJ fly to San Diego for Sam and Vanessa's wedding. Marshall turns 29 and AJ takes him to a Dave Matthews concert in our ponchos. 30 day check-up says MJ is still in remission. Tyrelanie move out.

Oct- Add our sweet little black toy poodle Jazmica "Jazzy" girl to the family- best.pet.ever. Booker turns 1. 100 day biopsy is also still clean.

Nov- 4 year anniversary celebration in a beautiful canyon up north. We see a bee monastery.

 

Dec- We sing at the Conference Center Theater when the First Counselor of the Presiding Bishopric speaks. Grandma Reese passes. Marshall celebrates 10 years at Lexington Law Firm. 

We miss you Grandma!

Here's to a New Year and hopefully more security. Cheers!

Bitter or Better?

I hope this isn't a useless plug, but I just watched this documentary called The Lottery of Birth on Hulu and I recommend that every single person watch it. And that every single person NEVER stop questioning.

There is a question that has been a constant in my life especially these past 2 years. Am I being bitter or better? I confess that there are moments I have been bitter, but when I step back and try to get a bigger perspective I pray that I will be better overall for the experiences afforded our family.

"Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Now let us begin."

 -Mother Teresa

WARNING: The next 3 paragraphs are full of complaints and selfish attitude. I suggest if you don't want to hear it just skip over to the better part. I apologize in advance.

These are the following reasons that at some points in our journey I have justified (P.S. Justification is the evil form of sanctification- so this is the little devil on AJ's shoulder) being bitter. The treatments we have paid tons of $$$ for have made my husband completely sterile. If we want more children of our own we would have to pay tens of thousands of more dollars to try and may or may not be successful. The evil circle of modern medication = more and more money for them. If we are successful, will daddy be around for his children? 

For the last two years friends and family nearly always ask, "How is Marshall?" I rarely get asked, "How are you?" anymore. I haven't been able to pursue the Masters I hoped for and am instead working part-time to pay off medical bills. Bitter that Marshall lost his full tuition scholarship and half a semester of work due to a leukemia relapse. Bitter that the plans we made when we got married are on hold to fight a deathly disease (but hey who's plans actually do stay the same after they get married right?). Bitter that Marshall can't be outside a certain mile radius of his treatment center.  I think overall I feel we have lost a certain amount of freedom to travel where we want, to have kids when we want, and to study when we want. 

I missed out on so many early moments of my son's life. Bitter that it is so hard to make future plans without the constant nagging that another relapse may occur where we would have to drop our entire lives again. Would he live through ANOTHER harsh treatment plan?

Well if you lasted through that negative part, let me account for every aspect above and tell you now why they have made me better. I imagine this is the angel on my other shoulder.

I appreciate the one child I have now more than ever and can relate a little more to people who struggle with infertility. I now have the opportunity to adopt different ethnicities like I always wanted (HELLO- do you remember Kez's birth!?) if IVF doesn't work.

The phrase, "A Window To His Love" that my mother-in-law used with me one day has so much greater meaning in my life. When we forget about ourselves even a little and think of others, we become a little more like Our Savior. I remember my senior year of seminary singing that song with Shelley, Jamie, and Natalie. "Until only He can be seen and I become a window to His love". Maybe people do only ask about Marshall but I hope I have become a little more transparent in the process.

Through my part-time job I have met some truly magnificent people (and hopefully even kept up my Portuguese a little). People that do not get angry. Ever. People that are laid back and fun (mostly Brazilians) and who have worked with me so well through our crazy schedule of treatment in Texas and constant doctor visits, etc.

I have been able to spend MUCH more time with this positive dude I married. Dear Retirement, We are ready for ya! Love, The Jensens.

I've learned that some of the events, trips, and things that consume most of our thoughts and lives to keep us "busy" are really, really not as important to us as other things are. Time spent with those you love and in the scriptures or inspiring books carry much less remorse. I also realize that Kez would not be the wonderful boy he is becoming if it hadn't been for each of the people who have so graciously taken him under their wing. I am so grateful for them and each of them have some credit invested in his strength.

Lastly, it really is better to not focus so much on the future. Live the present moment you have now wherever you are in the world and whatever point you are in your life the best that you can! “You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.” ― John Green, Looking for Alaska 

Instead of focusing on what we WILL be doing, focus on what we ARE doing. We can each make a better difference in our situation, our community, our local surroundings. Every where we go is the home of someone somewhere. The more we travel, the less likely we are to call one place home and invest in making our little space on earth a better space for the weary traveler to enter.

The Wisdom of Trees

After an eye appointment, chest x-ray, bone marrow biopsy, bone density scan, multiple blood draws, and a pulmonary function test, the results are in...

My doctors have determined there is no detectable evidence of residual disease - I'm cancer free! This doesn't mean that the leukemia won't return. In fact we received this same news last year after my transplant. However, I'm in the clear for now and you better believe I'm going to enjoy it!

For those of you that want more detail (Mom this is for you) the bone density scan revealed my bones are weak for someone my age. This is not surprising considering all the chemotherapy and radiation I've endured. 

We also found that the transplant stifled my thyroid's ability to produce the hormone thyroxine. This is a fairly common ailment known as 'hypothyroidism' and can be treated with medication. Ugh, another pill - two steps forward and one step back I suppose ;)

Sounds good Mr. Johnson. No wait, that's my iPod... 

I was walking my dog earlier this week when I decided to turn off the music and just enjoy the quiet of the morning. A bright fingernail of a moon hung in a cloudy blanket of stars to the West while a vague halo was building over the silhouette of mountains to the East. As I walked through the strange valley that separates night from day I was taught by the wisdom of trees.

I pondered the absolute strength of a massive tree along my path. I marveled at how it stretched in a constant desire to gather light, how anxiously it must anticipate the rising of the sun! 

Awed, I contemplated it's perpetual resurrection. In Spring it toils in steady slow motion, swelling forth, each budding branch expanding into the heat of longer days. Struggling in splendor, reaching its zenith only to whither and burn out in a flash of autumn brilliance, to fall to the ground and decay. An arctic skeleton - is all this effort wasted? 

No! It has stretched the tree's capacity for grandeur. As the earth swirls back into Spring it strives again to reach a fraction higher. By increments invisible it climbs into the heavens. 

Starting Over Again... Again :)

Occasionally, life gives us a "redo", a chance to start over. Last year I did just that; I nearly died fighting off cancer, and then I started over. I began physical therapy to regain my strength and stamina, I took the pills and supplements, I got back to work, I got back in school, I got back into my "routine". Things were looking good and then... Relapse...

So here I am again, 3 months post transplant, waiting on the results of my recent biopsy, starting over again... again!

We learn by repetition, like listening to our favorite song, we anticipate the next movement, music echoes the refrain, something beautiful transpires. Fighting through this cancer experience again has etched the following lessons deeper into my soul:

Be Grateful

Every day is a blessing. Every problem an opportunity. The following maxim has always impressed me, "I had the blues because I had no shoes, until upon the street I met a man that had no feet." 

Sometimes simple or even silly things are overlooked; shoes, crisp mountain air after a rainstorm, a smile from a stranger, quality toilet paper. There is always something to be grateful for!

I could be bitter that my cancer returned, or I could be grateful that I'm still alive! When I'm feeling particularly unappreciative I think of my amazing wife and son, how can I not be grateful for them?

Be Positive

Positivity doesn't demonstrate naivety, nor does it mean things are not difficult, the key is to find happiness in hardness. 

I'm not just talking about a mindset. Positive thoughts flow from positive actions, if your having a bad day, go do some good! Even if it doesn't cheer you up, it may brighten someone else's day? 

And don't forget, "that which ye do send out shall return unto you again..." It's the law of karma my friends. Let's spread some positive vibes!

Be Yourself

It is not often that life gives you a chance to start over. Although it may be difficult, it is a great opportunity! Ask yourself if what you're doing today is getting you closer to where you want to be tomorrow, to who you want to be tomorrow. If it's not, why are you doing it?

Alright, enough quotations and cliches let me give an update: I'm now over 100 days post transplant with no signs of GVHD (Graft Versus Host Disease). Some would say this is a good thing, others may worry that the transplant hasn't been aggressive enough. I'm not a fan of worrying so I just try to take things a day at a time. If that gets too stressful, an hour at a time, or even a minute - you get the point :) 

Shortly after my transplant I was on so many medications I used a weekly organizer for just one day! My kidneys were not handling it very well.

In the last three months I've been able to decrease my consumption from 37 to 11 pills a day! That, along with generous hydration, has helped my kidneys recover. My baseball hat collection nearly doubled this Summer but I'm happy to report that my hair is finally growing in. It is much darker, and quite thin and soft, but it's there! 

Last week I had my umpteenth (I stopped counting) bone marrow biopsy. Should this one come back clean, I will begin tapering off my immunosuppressant medication (Tacrolimus). Not only will my immune system become stronger - allowing me to go to church and participate in other regular social endeavors - I will also be able to discontinue my daily magnesium infusions and have my central line removed. I cannot tell you how excited I am to take a shower without a plastic cover over my chest!

For now I'm just trying to smile through life's rainstorms. At least I have a poncho right? Oh, and it doesn't hurt that this photo was taken at the Dave Matthews Band concert either ;)

Day 69 Post Transplant

Blessed to have these 2 mammas!

I keep trying to get Marshall to provide an update here, but he has been super busy helping potty train Kez while I have been at work a lot. He is a super daddy! He's still tired and I am so thankful for all he has been willing to help with so I can help pay some bills and learn a new responsibity at work.

Kez sporting the outfit grandma Lucile got him from Hawaii

Kez has done really well with potty training so far and I hope he keeps it up. I know he's a little young for a boy, but his cognitive skills are getting better and every day he wakes up bigger. I really hope Marshall stays in remission this year for many reasons, but one of them is so that we can attempt to have more children via IVF. I love Kez so much and he makes every day better for our family.

Marshall goes into the hospital on a weekly basis now. He is there now doing a pamidrinate infusion for his bones. He has osteoporosis, so to try to avoid breaking bones, they do this infusion. He can tell you more about it when he finally gets on this blog again. His creatnine levels have been high for a while and doctors and P.A.s say it is very typical after being through not only one, but two bone marrow transplants. 

He still has not needed a blood transfusion through all of the second transplant. For a while, people kept coming up to me and asking, "Why is he so pale/yellow?" His blood levels were low for a while, but not low enough to receive a transfusion. Right now his blood is coming up on his own. Hopefully it will continue to do so because it's quite possible the leukemia would be coming back if it starts going down.

His 30 day bone marrow aspirate came out clean with 100 percent chimerism. This means he is working on his third set of DNA and we know through a slip of the delivery guy that this time his DNA is foreign (it came from a man outside of the United States). So now not only am I married to a younger bone marrow, but a foreign bone marrow. Life is never dull with this guy that's for sure!

Marshall's attitude is a lot like this and Kez's is like this at his appointments. Some weeks I have just been staying home with Kez now that Marshall is doing well. Since it is flu season soon Kezman will not be allowed in the clinic (no kids during this time of year).

 We had a great surprise from Landon Cooper from Miles to Give. Check out his story here: http://miles2give.org/.  He ran for Marshall on my birthday while we were in Texas.

Speaking of birthdays, Marshall turned 29! I always think his birthdays are extra special because if it weren't for a couple young men willing to donate their bone marrow, he would not be alive still today. This year thanks to my friend Jen I was able to take him to a Dave Matthews concert:

He also got a new bed that is supposed to be good for his back, but I think it is too firm for me. I have been doing a lot of things around the house to try to match the new paint and flooring that was put in the house while we were in Texas with Marshall's treatments. Maybe I will make a blog entry about all the steps of sanding, painting, all that if someone wants to know, but for now here are some pics.

Tyrel and Melanie moved out and I just want to give a special thank you to Melanie and Matt Mortensen for allowing us to enjoy our home a little more while Marshall has had to be couped up. We did make a temple trip with them before they left, so that's good!

We have a new sister in the Hunt family! Her name is Vanessa. She is from California and I just love her to pieces. Her and Sam are great for each other! We also found out that Matt and Brielle are having a BOY and I wish they were here for Kez to enjoy his new boy cousin, but they took off to Kansas so Matt could go to chiropractic school for a few years. Brielle's sister Jilisa threw a very fun gender reveal party.

Sorry for the picture overload, but I'm not feeling too wordy today- I'd rather show you what we've been doing. I pray every day that the Leukemia will stay away. In the meantime we try to make every day the best we can. In 30 days Marshall will have another biopsy- his 100 day check-up.  Doctors say there is a seventy-five percent chance that it will come back and we will be back to square 1. I am hoping that Marshall falls in the twenty five percent category like he fell in the twenty five percent category last year when it came back after first transplant. I try to keep myself busy to keep the numbers from nagging at my scientifically-minded mind. If it does, we will continue to fight. Thanks for reading our blog and fighting along with us while you have your own challenges in life. We love you all- to your health!

TRUST

Trusting in a higher power. Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." And for dessert, the cherry on top, the extra wisdom: verse 7: "Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the Lord, and depart from evil."

I have been ignoring the blog for a while. If I was completely honest with you I would say that I have been trying to ignore the fact that we are still at the front lines of this leukemia fight for a while. It gets weary. I am worn and down-trodden.

Church was wonderful today! I think I say that every week. I do not know how people go through life without the strength and power the gospel brings every time I learn more and more about it and about Him. My Beloved Eternal Father who forgives me when I try to do all things by myself. When I say by myself I do not mean without help from others (life would be impossible without that right now!), but I mean without Him. When I am too angry watching my husband suffer to humbly retrieve to my knees and talk to Him about why and how I can help my husband and son all over again.

For a long time now there has been this pioneer story that keeps being repeated over and over in our ward. It is about a tiny 5 foot nothin' pioneer woman. When her husband told her to leave him on the side of the trail to die she screamed, "I will not be a widow in Zion!" and threw him in the hand cart which she carried for who knows how long. A cute couple (the Wrights) even reenacted it on a trek.  At first I resented that I kept hearing the same story over and over. Then I realized He was communicating with me. An answer to my prayer.  Some days I feel that I am that woman. Pulling my little family along and praying that my husband will live through another day. Not wanting to be a widow!

Today finally when a High Councilman spoke I realized He was trying to tell me to get in FRONT of this trial. The Lord will allow a way out if it be His Will. If that is not His will, "And should we die before our journey is through, Happy day! All is well. We then are free from toil and sorrow too; With the just we shall dwell!" I don't want you to think Marshall is dying here (although he was 0.16 away from official kidney failure this week), I do hope he lives on, "But if our lives are spared AGAIN" (again is very important in his case- those of you who know him well know he's lived through some crazy stuff and now he is on transplant 2). "Oh how we'll make this chorus swell! All is well!"

I want you all to know that your prayers for him were and are being answered. He is doing well. In the case that things get worse I wanted to write this down in case I am not strong enough to do it later, but I know that no matter the outcome your and my prayers will be answered according to His plan. [Disclaimer: I may have just written this blog post in order to not eat the last 30 minutes of this 3 day juice fast that Melanie and I have been doing, but it worked! And I am going to eat now!] Just like pioneer journals are read and inspire us today for the trials our ancestors went through I hope someday to print this and have Marshall inspire those who come after us through this trial.